Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Body image issues anyone??

Let me start this off saying, this post has only to do with me.
My own body image.
Ive struggled with it for years.
Growing up I was always active.
Highschool, I was Varsity swim.
Those days I lived on cheeseburgers, fries, milk shakes and doughnuts.
I would burn more calories in a day than I would consume.
I was 100lbs, as the saying goes, dripping wet.
I hated it.
I wore big, baggy sweatshirts, jeans that were too big so I could tell people that I was a size 7, not a zero.
I hated seeing my bones jut out from my skin.
No one knew this.
I got told to eat more, this made me eat less.
When stressed or unhappy, I tend to avoid eating.
I got called anorexic. Which in a sense I guess I was...
Ive always been bigger up in the chest area.
36DDD to be exact.
No matter how skinny I was.
The girls stayed the same...
I gained weight over the years and still never felt comfortable in my skin.
My mom encouraged me to diet, to exercise, to eat better.

It wasn't until I became pregnant with my son over 3 years ago that I started appreciating it.
I cared what I ate and what went into my body.
I was horribly sick the entire pregnancy.
I only gained 17 pounds...
I didn't mind walking around with my belly hanging out.
It was socially acceptable.
I loved my body, just not how sick I was.
My body was growing a baby.

After I had my boy, my distorted body image didn't come back.
I embraced the stretch marks I had.
The belly that hung over my pants, my even bigger boobs!

Slowly it melted away.
I still have a belly, but with a lil spanx, it gets smoothed out.
The girls, well, I think they're here with me for the long haul;)
and I'm okay with that.
I still care about what goes in to my body. Not in an obsessive way.
There is no way I could count calories. Or say I can't eat that, its too fattening!
I know what I should eat. What works with my body
Sure, there are days when I crave a burger and fries, but I don't eat the whole thing.

Im going thru a tough time right now.
Ultimately brought on by myself.
When Im stressed I don't eat.
I know Im losing weight.
Friends have brought it up.
My mom has brought it up.
I told my mom that when I look in the mirror I see a skinnier person and I hate it.
She says when she looks in the mirror she sees a fatter person.
My mom is in no way fat, at.all!
She runs 5 miles a day,
and eats better than anyone I know

Curves are sexy to me.
I come from a mexican family.
Skinny looks good in a bikini, sure.
Do I get jealous when I see skinny girls, yeah!
But, I like how I fill out my clothes.
I like my curves.
I like how when I walk or dance, I can shake what I got.
Could I tone my stomach?
Heck yes!
but, I would want to do that without losing my hips, butt and boobs tho.
I love me...
Again, this is only about me, my body image.

1 comment:

Mrs. T said...

Thanks so much for opening up on this. I think everyone can relate. YOu are so brave to talk about thsi openly!