Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Its officially SUMMER!

Lately my days have been pretty awesome.
 I feel like I've been getting a lot of things accomplished. 
My weekends are always amazing with my guy in town. 
I even got lucky this week and saw him in the middle of the week. 
He better be careful or he's gonna get stuck with me for a long time;)
Today I was on the elliptical for 55 minutes 
if you know me at all I need major motivation to do anything involving working out. 
I get bored so easily!!
 Luckily the boyfriend talks to me the entire time, even when I can't talk and am out of breath. 
He is so patient just listening... :)

I also got a job today! 
Making more than I was before and full bene's!! 
Shocking these days I tell ya! 
I start on Monday and am so looking forward to working again! 
I love my son, but I could never be a stay at home mom. 
The laundry is done, folded, put away. 
The dishes are done, dinners are made and I can only sit outside soaking up the sunshine for so long and watch dora stare at me after she asks every question.

So I'm pretty excited Im working on my fitness and the new job but something even better happened today as well!! 
It being the first day of Summer, our local coffee house, Dutch Bros was giving away a free pair of super cool sunnies with the purchase of a Pina Colada. 
If you like Pina Colada's! 
Oops, sorry, musical interlude. That just happened! 
They started the giveaway at 12pm and were supposed to go till 5pm. 
Well I pulled up at 2:26pm and wasn't really thrilled about the pina colada, more of a coffee girl! When I asked for the sunnies, they were out:( 
Umm, what??? 
Well, one of the baristas had on a pair. 
I was able to coerce them into giving them to me and I got a free coffee! 
I love my db people!! 
Seriously considering buying a lottery ticket!! 
I uploaded my pic that I took onto instagram and facebook. 
(ooooh, find me on Instagram!!!!)
 Then one of my good friends told me about DB's lil contest. 
 Check it out! 
Here is the pic I submitted. 
No I was not at a red light taking a pic! 
That would be illegal. 
I was legally parked in a parking lot, engine off...

So got check it out and vote for me!
Wanna know what the prize is?? 
A year free of coffee!
Holy Crap! 
Trust me, you would much rather have me on coffee than off of it! 

Besos sweet friends!! 

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

She's my person

So there's this girl.
She's the girl that would always be there for me, no matter what time of day.
She's my person...
Today, June 19, is her birthday. 

I've seen her at her worst and she's seen me at mine. She doesn't judge, she would have my back in a second and her argument would be even better. I am blessed to have her on my side.

She is one of the few people that knows what it smells like in the back room in the dead of summer, doughnuts and semen... She knows the way the butter melted into sludge as we dripped in sweat because the A/C was out again at work. She is the one that can make me laugh the hardest in the worst of situations.

She forced me to watch one of the 16 Saw movies and fell asleep on me as I watched in horror. She's shown me her piercings and I've literally danced in her shoes.

I have seen her naughty bits and saw her youngest brought into this world. I will always apologize for the face I made, haha! I will always be the one to reassure her daughter, keira that she in fact did not come out of her mom's butt.

Today is her birthday. She turns 29. I've known her for almost 10 years. Shes the same around everyone. I hope I have her around for a very long time! & if not, I have first dibs on her shoes. She can have mine if I should go first. There it's in writing;) I fucking love you bitch! ;) Happy Birthday and here's to many more!!!

Monday, June 18, 2012

Im gonna pass...

Today was a good day! 
It started out good... 
Made an awesome breakfast off of Pinterest. 
The link doesn't work so I went off the picture, normally if the link doesn't work I don't pin it. 
It seems pointless. 
In this case, you don't need to know the instructions. 
The picture worked just fine.
I will be tweaking the recipe as there was not enough spices in it. 

I fed the chickens & turkeys, watered all 576 plants on my dad's property, washed the car (that took an hour with the "help" of my son), dropped off my resume at my future j.o.b, and took a nap after my son's horrific temper tantrum. 

And now. Im grumpy:( 
What gives?

I miss the boyfriend, hopefully he will be home more soon!!

So, where do I go when I need some cheering up??
Jenna Marbles, not today.
Autocorrect, nope.
Best of craigslist, yep!

I found this little gem and was cracking up!!
**Warning, it's a long one!

Yoga Mat for Sale

Yoga mat for sale. Used once at lunch hour class in December 2009. Usage timeline as follows: 

Register for hot yoga class. Infinite wisdom tells me to commit to 5 class package and purchase a yoga mat. I pay $89.74. Money well spent, I smugly confirm to myself. 

Open door to yoga room. A gush of hot dry air rushes through and past me. It smells of breath, sweat and hot. Take spot on floor in back of room next to cute blonde. We will date. 

I feel the need to be as near to naked as possible. This is a problem because of the hot blonde to my left and our pending courtship. She will not be pleased to learn that I need to lose 30 pounds before I propose to her. 

The shirt and sweats have to come off. I throw caution to the wind and decide to rely on my wit and conditioning to overcome any weight issues my fiancĂ©e may take issue with. This will take a lot of wit and conditioning. 

Begin small talk with my bride to be. She pretends to ignore me but I know how she can be. I allow her to concentrate and stare straight ahead and continue to pretend that I don't exist. As we finish sharing our special moment, I am suddenly aware of a sweat moustache that has formed below my nose. This must be from the all the whispering between us. 

Instructor enters the room and ascends her special podium at the front of the room. She is a slight, agitated Chinese woman. She introduces me to the class and everyone turns around to greet me just as I decide to aggressively adjust my penis and testes packed in my Under Armor. My bride is notably unfazed. 

Since I do have experience with Hot Yoga (4 sessions just 5 short years ago) I fully consider that I may be so outstanding and skilled that my instructor may call me out and ask me to guide the class. My wife will look on with a sparkle in her eye. We will make love after class. 

It is now up to 95 degrees in the room. We have been practicing deep breathing exercises for the last 8 minutes. This would not be a problem if we were all breathing actual, you know, oxygen. Instead, we are breathing each other's body odor, expelled carbon dioxide and other unmentionables. (Don't worry, I'll mention them later.) 

It is now 100 degrees and I take notice of the humidity, which is hovering at about 90%. I feel the familiar adorning stare of my bride and decide to look back at her. She appears to be nauseated. I then realize that I forgot to brush my teeth prior to attending this class. We bond. 

It is now 110 degrees and 95% humidity. I am now balancing on one leg with the other leg crossed over the other. My arms are intertwined and I am squatting. The last time I was in this position was 44 years ago in the womb, but I'm in this for the long haul. My wife looks slightly weathered dripping sweat and her eyeliner is streaming down her face. Well, "for better or worse" is what we committed to so we press on. 

The overweight Hispanic man two spots over has sweat running down his legs. At least I think its sweat. He is holding every position and has not had a sip of water since we walked in. He is making me look bad and I hate him. 

I consider that if anyone in this room farted that we would all certainly perish.

It is now 140 degrees and 100% humidity. I am covered from head to toe in sweat. There is not a square millimeter on my body that is not slippery and sweaty. I am so slimy that I feel like a sea lion or a maybe sea eel. Not even a bear trap could hold me. The sweat is stinging my eyeballs and I can no longer see. 

This room stinks of asparagus, cloves, tuna and tacos. There is no food in the room. I realize that this is an amalgamation of the body odors of 30 people in a 140 degree room for the last 55 minutes. Seriously, enough with the asparagus, ok? 

140 degrees and 130% humidity. Look, bitch, I need my space here so don't get all pissy with me if I accidentally sprayed you with sweat as I flipped over. Seriously, is that where this relationship is going? Get over yourself. We need counseling and she needs to be medicated. Stat!

150 degrees and cloudy. And hot. I can no longer move my limbs on my own. I have given up on attempting any of the commands this Chinese chick is yelling out at us. I will lay sedentary until the aid unit arrives. I will buy this building and then have it destroyed. 
I lose consciousness. 

I have a headache and my wife is being a selfish bitch. I can't really breathe. All I can think about is holding a cup worth of hot sand in my mouth. I cannot remember what an ice cube is and cannot remember what snow looks like. I consider that my only escape might be a crab walk across 15 bodies and then out of the room. I am paralyzed, and may never walk again so the whole crab walk thing is pretty much out. 

I cannot move at all and cannot reach my water. Is breathing voluntary or involuntary? If it's voluntary, I am screwed. I stopped participating in the class 20 minutes ago. Hey, lady! I paid for this frickin class, ok?! You work for me! Stop yelling at everyone and just tell us a story or something. It's like juice and cracker time, ok? 

It is now 165 degrees and moisture is dripping from the ceiling. The towel that I am laying on is no longer providing any wicking or drying properties. It is actually placing additional sweat on me as I touch it. My towel reeks. I cannot identify the smell but no way can it be from me. Did someone spray some stank on my towel or something? 

Torture session is over. I wish hateful things upon the instructor. She graciously allows us to stay and 'cool down' in the room. It is 175 degrees. Who cools down in 175 degrees? A Komodo Dragon? My wife has left the room. Probably to throw up. 

My opportunity to escape has arrived. I roll over to my stomach and press up to my knees. It is warmer as I rise up from ground level - probably by 15 degrees. So let's conservatively say it's 190. I muster my final energy and slowly rise. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. Towards the door. Towards the door. 

The temperature in the lobby is 72 degrees. Both nipples stiffen to diamond strength and my penis begins to retract into my abdomen from the 100 degree temp swing. I can once again breathe though so I am pleased. I spot my future ex wife in the lobby. We had such a good thing going but I know that no measure of counseling will be able to unravel the day's turmoil and mental scaring. 

Arrive at Emerald City Smoothie and proceed to order a 32 oz beverage. 402 calories, 0 fat and 14 grams of protein -- effectively negating any caloric burn or benefit from the last 90 minutes. I finish it in 3 minutes and spend the next 2 hours writing this memoir. 

Create Craigslist ad while burning final 2 grams of protein from Smoothie and before the "shakes" consume my body. 

Note to self - check car for missing wet yoga towel in am. 

Im thinking that I will pass on the yoga mat & hot yoga!!

Besos friends!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Everything happens for a reason, right??

This has been the common theme in my life for quite some time now. 
Here I am, sitting in bed, wide awake thinking over the worlds problems. 
Okay not really. Just my problems. 
Which in my head seem enormous, 
but then I think of other things people are going thru and I feel selfish.
 I realize how blessed I really am in life. I have a roof over my head, a healthy lil man, a great family, amazing friends and a guy that is a keeper! (He surprises me every day)
Why am I going off like this you ask?? 
No, it does not have to do with the cold/allergies I am suffering through right now 
is making me think a lil off tonight.

No, it is not the late hour that I am up pinning as many things as I can to Pinterest as if my life depended on it.( Oh tomorrow is Oh how Pinteresting!!) 
Yes, I may have been feeling a lil down on myself but all that changed when I saw an ad on one of the websites I have been perusing every hour or so at the hopes of finding my dream job. 
I had told myself I would go to bed, 
oh but wait,
 there are more ads on there to look at!! 
Then I saw it. Wait, they want to pay me to pin stuff to Pinterest. 
Okay, the allergy meds are making me delusional! 
Nope, I reread it about 200 times and in fact they were looking for someone who had some knowledge of Pinterest, Stumble Upon, Manteresting, WeHeartIt.
 (I will be checking out this manteresting website!!)
 I would say I have "some" knowledge of this Pinterest website! 
Social media networking, yeah I can handle that:) 
Lets see where it takes me! 
Everything happens for a reason and I was meant to see this ad. 
Whether it goes anywhere is out of my hands now. 
It is what it is. 
I think it would a pretty cool thing to do tho! 
So, wish me luck, cross your fingers, toes and pray to whomever. 
Besos and night sweet friends!! 

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Model for a day:)

Yesterday I got a call from one of my best friends!
She has her own business Captures by Cass
She wanted to use Gavin and I as models for the day.
It ended up being an hour.
I couldn't handle constantly trying to get Gavin to smile.
She was great with him.
Cassidy takes pretty amazing pics, she is part super hero...
We have a third girl in our group...
The three of us actually are superheroes. More on that later:)
Here is a sneak peak of some of the pics she took yesterday...

I'm excited to see the rest!!!

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

WILW & Oh how Pinteresting:)

So Wednesday used to be my fav day...
This is my favorite post.
I had a friend tell me that she considers me the guru of pinterest. 
Hardly, but yeah I am always on there! 
It seems like I am always looking forward to the weekends, hmmm??
I wonder why??

No rhyme, no reason, just my most recent pins:)

Source: via Sierra on Pinterest

Source: via Sierra on Pinterest

Source: via JonBec on Pinterest

Source: via Sierra on Pinterest

Monday, June 4, 2012

Who doesn't want to see white trash and eat crappy food???

Boatnik aka Dirtnik

This happens once a year where the carnival comes to town...
All of our towns finest come out from the backwoods to eat mass amounts of greasy fried food. 
Not gonna lie, I totally was willing to partake in it. 
Luckily we got back from the dunes and it was still going on:)

I love watching the boat races but, they take 40 minutes between each one... 
I kinda get bored.

I don't trust the rides enough to ride on them. 
or that I won't get puked on. 
I would have serious issues with that!! 
I can handle my own kids puke but not someone else's! 

They have the petting zoo which had the cutest wallaby with a baby in it's pouch!
and there was a baby potbelly pig.
We were about two seconds from my guy throwing it into my purse and us having our very own love pig, like a love fern... 
That sounds weird.
I swear I would remember to feed it! Promise!!! 

I tried to drink beer in the beer garden it was a no go. 
Ate some teriyaki chicken, chow mein, churro and curly fries!
I may have gained 10 pounds!

We almost got an angry birds hat, almost... 

Always a good time!! 

Dune Trip:)

This is long overdue!
I got to go with BF  to the dunes on Memorial Weekend!
I was so excited, I haven't been camping since I was little. 
Well, I did do a lower rogue rafting trip a few years ago...

We packed our stuff and left on Friday!

We camped, they rode dirt bikes, I learned how to ride a quad. Never mind it was almost in the ocean... oops!!! sorry buddha!! We bbq'd, made smores, laughed, drank, took cold showers, snuggled in the tent. 
I can't remember the last time I had more fun:)
Seriously a great group of friends!!

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almost ready to go!
Just kidding, buddha ended up pulling the trailer:)
thanks buddha!
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Right outside of North Bend was our campground Riley Ranch

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Home sweet home for the next two nights:)

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I hate marshmallows, but i really like chocolate and graham crackers!

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Buddha trusted me on his quad... 
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spider monkey style, just kidding i rode on back:)

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the boys
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mama helping her girl out

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hey cute guy;)

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Driving on the beach

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Sabrina had enough gear and luckily we wear the same size everything!
Well almost everything, her shirts are a lil tight on top...

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Suns out, guns out!

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The guys are lucky!

Can't wait to go back and next time with lil man:)

Have legs, will hike!

The other day as i was sitting in the sunshine I posted on my facebook that I wanted to go on a hike!
A few friends commented back that I should hike Rainie Falls. 
I went over to MF's (man friend's) house later and he he wanted to start doing something active on Saturdays, like hiking!!
I told him I was down!
I hate going to the gym, I get bored. 
Outside, in the fresh air is a different story!
I told him that I wanted to hike Rainie Falls.
Later that night another friend of ours said we should do something active tomorrow, like go on a hike!
We decided we would leave bright and early tomorrow morning. 
We got to the hike at noon... 
I'm not exactly a morning person:)

Here are some pics:
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Two miles, shouldn't take that long right?? 
Oh wait, times 2!

The start of the hike!
Perfect weather and perfect day:)

A lil rocky, make sure your shoes are tied tight!!

The other side of the trail, the dangerous one!

We didn't know what this was from.
So, I looked it up.
It is an old footing from the Sanderson Bridge.
A flood back in 1927 took it out.
We assumed bodies had been thrown in there.
Not that we've seen too many horror movies or anything...

Halfway there with MF:)

Joy and I in our matching outfits, totally not planned.
The boys matched as well.

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thank god for self timers:)
I love how we match!

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I love where I live!
I love that I am so close to the mountains, rivers and ocean!

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Rainie Falls!
If you look closely you can see a rafter going thru, he got stuck and lost an oar. He rode that rapid like a champ!

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So beautiful! 

After two hours of hiking we were pretty hungry!
Galice Resort was right around the corner:)

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Strawberry Kiwi Italian Soda

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A big ass burger!
I was so hungry that I forgot to take a pic before:/
So yummy!!!

MMM, I am loving my weekends!!! 
What did you do??

Besos sweet friends!!