While watching the Oscars...

While watching the pretty people in the land of sunshine in front of my fireplace I decided to write down what I learned this week. 

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I actually have friends that anonymously read my blog. By anonymous I mean, are not signed in but still read:) Was that self explanatory, oh well.
I write this blog for my own entertainment and a release of some sorts, but like I've said before,  if I can make someone laugh that makes me happy!
These friends have started texting, commenting on facebook or coming up to me in person to tell me ideas they have for my blog. I love it, keep it comin loves! 

(uno)

Redbull does in fact not give me wings...

I have hated the smell of redbull forever. 

More like bull piss if ya ask me! 

I was told I had to drink it and was told acts of violence would ensue if I didn't... 

(I may have just exaggerated that a bit.)

I had already had my cup of coffee and figured I could chug this lil can.

If college taught me anything it is that I cannot chug nor shotgun anything. 

My throat just doesn't open up like that. 

It didn't taste as bad as I thought.

I was waiting for the energy to burst thru!

I got nothing.
Not even a sugar rush, maybe it's because I got the sugar free one with the chemical aspartame...

I did get a raging headache later which I promptly cured with my Iced Kicker from Dutch Bros.

I will only be drinking redbull when there is vodka involved. Kidding!

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(dos)


Toilet Planking. This I give 100% credit to Maria.
Its not uncommon for us girls to get together on a Friday night and talk about bodily functions. What? We've got a nurse and two moms. You pretty much cant gross us out. Almost...
Back to Toilet Planking. If you think back to the movie Me, Myself and Irene, after Jim Carrey and the girl have sex, he goes to relive himself and proceeds to pee everywhere. Thus men placing a hand above the toilet and point their junk downwards = toilet planking. I read up on the Internet. Yeah, that's gonna look weird in my search history... It has something to do with the muscles being contracted during the erection. Totally normal! I found the answer here, kind of... I don't have any pics for this. That would be disturbing...

(tres)

Last night my boy was going potty. With his pee pee, God forbid I call it a wiener. He gets all upset... Here is the convo that ensued:

Gavin: Mommy, wanna have a sword fight?

Me: Umm, no mommy can't do that. 

Gavin: Why not? You have a pee pee too? 

Me: Mommy's pee pee is different?

Gavin: Why? 

Me: Umm, I don't have to use the restroom right now...

Gavin: Oh, okay. 

I don't know how to get out of that one again! 

(Cuatro)

How and when did it become acceptable to have a 32" flat screen TV for a child in the car?? 

Okay, maybe it wasn't a 32" but it was huge!

Gavin could tell what episode of spongebob was on the screen from the backseat of my car. 

All I had to play with when I was little was an extra seat belt and my sister to annoy. 

PS. the largest TV you can get for your car is a 17", fyi

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And, now to finish watching the Oscars!

So far, not digging Emma Stone's dress, totally clashes with her hair, hmmm!
Maybe if just the bow was ripped off??

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Cameron Diaz looks beautiful as always and pretty sure I saw J Lo's left nipple when they were presenting... I love a good boob or nipple popping out like the next guy but why can't we get a wardrobe malfunction with one of the leading men?? Wait, the good looking leading men, whew! Didn't want Nick Nolte to throw his trousers down, now did I??!

 Oh Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig:) i love them and they're dirty lil dialogue!!
Does size matter??

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The only reason Bradley Cooper should have a mustache is if he's offering mustache rides. just saying!

some men can rock a mustache, you sir cannot. Please shave it!:/

I will never think Angelina Jolie is sexy, no matter how much leg she shows! She's skeletor, I want to feed her a cheeseburger.

yes, ms jolie, we are aware you have a slit taller than i am you can stop with the weird stance. You just look like you are hiding one of the 6 children between your legs... Wait, lunges, that's what she's doing! 

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Natalie Portman, always my #1 girl crush! She's gorgeous:)

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My fav look of the night!
Milla Jovovich did good!:)

And since I was just blogging instead of paying attention I missed who won best actor and actress...
oops! someone help me out!

Side note: While I was trashing on the pretty people my son decided to draw a mural on the mirror, thankfully not the wall & cover himself in stickers, thankfully not feminine products.
I have a hard time not laughing.
I asked him what his punishment should be and he said "a present" ha, no son! Bed! He mumbled it was worth a shot anyways... Who is this kid and why is he so smart???

Oh yeah and tomorrow is Monday.
I.am.so.excited.

besos loves!