Sh*t my son says!!

My son is way smarter than I give him credit for.
I have to spell any words around him that I don't want him to pick up on.
He has now started to spell them back to me and sound them out.
I blame my mom for that one.
She works every night with him to sound out words and spell them.
That's the teacher in her.
So, I've started saying things in Spanish.
He can now say a four letter word that starts with "F" in Spanish.
Awesome.

Here are some of things he has told me recently.
Mostly he says them when it's just us.
If I'm lucky I have a witness to verify that in fact my son did just say something that has me in fits of giggles!
They're usually just one liners, but sometimes he throws them into a convo we're having.

I am slowly adding to this post as I remember more things he says.

"When Im older I will have hair in my hairpits. Only big boys get them, not moms. Hairpits, OMG!

He told me the other night he couldn't go into the room because there were three ghosts in there and they were mean ones. (I do not watch scary ghost movies with this kid, yet he always talks about ghosts) These creeps me out a lil bit because I know kids are in tune with these things. I went in to the room and said "Hey, go away, we don't want any" with gavin standing behind me. I looked at him and he shrugged his shoulders and was fine with walking in to the room.

The other night he told me he had to poop in the toilet. This is exciting and we tend to jump up and down to encourage him. The back story is my dad always says he is "LA'ing" when he is throwing something away. A while ago he said to "LA" my sons poop and I said send it to Jacob who is my sisters son who lives in LA. After he was done we had a convo about where he sent the poop to.

Me: Did you flush the toilet?
Gavin: Yep
Me: Where did you send it to?
Gavin: To my best friend Jacob in LA

This kid remembers everything!

Random moment while we are driving in the car. No music was on in the car.

Gavin: Sexy and I know it
Me: Umm, what?
Gavin: I'm sexy and I know it, moooooooom!

We were playing hide and seek in the bathroom (not many options) the shower and behind the door... He still managed to lose me, haha! He went to close the door so I could hide again and he said "You're never getting out" in this weird creepy voice that actually had me thinking if I was ever getting out...

"The world's a messed up place, mom" Totally random as he's playing with his cars... Yes, son it is!

Gavin wanted to go to the store so he could get knew cars. I told him he needed new cars like I need a hole in my head... Hmmm, maybe he gets these saying from me??

Gavin: I'm not going to tell you again mom. Go get in the car, we are going to the store, no arguing.
Me: Umm, no thanks. I'm cool with sitting on the couch today. Besides you have a million other cars.
Gavin: That's not the point, how many times do I have to tell you?? You are making me angry, 1, 2, 3... Okay, you're in trouble. Do you really want to play this game, I'm not gonna tell you aga... Hey I found my red car...
Clearly, distracted by shiny objects just like his mother. At least he's listening when I'm scolding him.

We recently had our cat die. He tried crossing the road and didn't make it all the way across. I found out because my dad texted me at work and told me he took care of it. I didn't think we should tell Gavin because he is very sensitive to anything that happens around him. He always asks every night where his Brody is and it breaks my heart. The other night was a particularly sad night and I was at a loss for words.

Gavin: I miss my Brody, he hasn't been home for a really long time.
Me: I know buddy. Maybe he found another home to go to.
Gavin: No, I think he's lost. We need to put a picture up of him.
Me: That's a good idea
Gavin: No, I think he's hurt, he's dying somewhere.
At this point I needed reinforcements. I called his dad and Gavin had the same convo with him.
Gavin: Daddy we need to find Brody, he's lost and hungry and he might be hurt, & he doesn't have opposable thumbs!!!!
At this point I lost it and he went from crying to laughing. I would ask where he came up with this but I remember the exact convo from a month ago when he was asking Brody to pick something with his paw and I told him he couldn't because he didn't have opposable thumbs. Apparently he listened...

When he's mad at me he tends to tell me the police are going to come and throw me in jail. So this time I decided to egg him on.

Me: What am I going to jail for?
Gavin: For being mean to me.
Me: Okay, here's the phone. Call the police.
Gavin: Fine, I will. (As he holds my phone and stares at the numbers)
Me: (smiling)
Gavin: Whats the number for the police?
Me: You don't know the number?!
Gavin: Yes of course I do!
Me: Then what is it?
Gavin: 5
Me: Wrong
Gavin: Then what is it?
Me: I don't know
Gavin: Okay, what were we doing?

In potty training I am trying to tell him he needs to remember to shake it after he goes pee. I related this to a song. The other day he is doing his business in front of the toilet and he starts singing "Shake it like a salt shaker" while jiggling his junk. Dear god, have I scarred him for life? Will he be singing this to his future girlfriends??

Here is one I overheard between my dad and Gavin as they were hanging up the Christmas lights before Christmas.

Papa: Good help is hard to find, Duke
Gavin: Yeah, but not bad help.

I thought my dad was going to have a heart attack. True story!

Of course along with the funny stories we get the grumpy ones as well.

I have been told, Im mean, Im so mad at you, you're not the boss, I don't care and of course the dreaded, I hate you. The other night I told him that he couldn't have any more fruit snacks and apparently this warrented him telling me he hated me. So with his chin trembling, crocodile tears threatening to spill over his giant eyes he looked right at me and said "I hate you mommy" and then proceeded to run and throw himself on my bed and cry his eyes out. After he was done he came out and asked to snuggle with me. I held him while he sniffled and he said he didn't really hate me, phew!

My lil monkey is always listening even when I think he is asleep. Word to the wise learn to speak multiple languages that your child can't understand!!

Besos!