That one time a guy asked me out and told me he played with himself in the same sentence...

A day in the life of me:

I come across creepy people all the time. 

I get hit on and it doesn't bother me.

Usually I am able to avoid them, today not so much...

Male patient: you must be Italian?
Me: no, Mexican.
Male patient: you are the whitest Mexican!
Me: umm, yep! Half Irish, got my daddy's whiteness. Thanks for pointing out I need a tan, kind sir!
Male patient: (stuttering) but you re pretty!
Me: okay, go sit down. The Dr will be with you shortly...

Source: fuck-yeahpickuplines.tumblr.com via Brianna on Pinterest

Oh, how I wish that was the end of the story. 

No, the same patient came out shortly after being seen and started up a whole new convo. 

As I'm trying to reschedule him, he sees pics of my son. Here is the conversation:

Patient: Is that your son?

Me: Yeah, what day and time do you want to come back?

Patient: Friday, as late as possible in the day. Is that you in the pics?

Me: Yes

Patient: You darken up nice.

Me: Thank you

He then proceeds to tell me how he has two ex wives. One that lives in Colorado and on that is moving to China to teach kids English.  He is a single father, that rarely gets time off to go out and have fun. His last two wives have made him jaded on ever getting married again. He works with the public (yes, I know where and how long he has worked there) He likes living the single life but would like to have someone to have fun with. Although at times it's just easier for him to take care of himself ( I wish I was making this up!!) He told me he was a decent guy, not bad on the eyes and educated. 

At this point I have my hand over my mouth trying not to laugh. I need to work on my poker face. I have been told numerous times the facial expressions I make are hilarious and people can read me. 

He tells me that he was head over heels in love with his first ex wife and where he has her name tattooed. No, he didn't show me but I'm sure he would have had I asked... 

He then asked if I get to get out much and have fun and I just said nope. He said we should change that. I said no, I like staying home.

People this was painful to say the least. I was avoiding eye contact and only answering with single words. 

I, in no way, wanted to encourage this guy! 

He comes back on Thursday and I am not looking forward to seeing him.
What else can he say??
What do I say back?? 


eek & ugg!!

 
I mentioned this story to my dad and he said he will now be sitting in my parking lot with a shot gun introducing himself as the receptionist's dad... This can't end well!