How's my heart supposed to beat without you??

I'm a little emotional tonight... 

4 years ago, at this very moment, I was checking into the hospital. 

No pain, just felt like I kept peeing my pants. 

ewww, dumb nurse asked if I was... 

When I told my almost 4 year old that this time 4 years ago I was on my way to the hospital, he rolled his eyes and said: "I know mom, I was there, remember??" 

His smile can change my mood, his tears can change it too.

I love the way he smells in the morning when he wakes up. 

His belly laughs and the way he can out argue me in anything, sean too. 

The other day he was wanting me to open yet another snack for him, the first three weren't sufficient. 

He started arguing that he was still hungry. 

Sean told him that food doesn't grow on trees.

Gavin then came back with something about his papa giving him an apple the other day. 

I couldn't hold my giggle in. 

Source: etsy.com via Shelli on Pinterest

Sometimes, I lay my head against his chest and listen to his breaths and hear his heartbeat.
I tell him all the time that I built him from scratch.
His fingers, his toes all the way up to his nose.

As I'm typing this, I just caught him mid air from falling off the bed.
He mumbled a thank you.

I want to give him everything, that might be my downfall.
If he asks for it and gives me his big eyes and eyelashes, I cave.

Source: someecards.com via Sierra on Pinterest

He's so smart, and Im not just saying that because he's half me...
He can talk his way out of anything.

Source: moltee.com via David on Pinterest

He is also not a morning person just like his mama!
He will tell me he's still sleeping and doesnt want to get up in the morning.

My crazy, hectic mornings, the quick kiss goodbye and 35 hugs later, nine hours away from him, his non stop talking ( I don't understand how he breathes sometimes), his ocd ways, his arguing, his amazing hugs, hearing him say I love you mom.

It makes waking up every day, 100% worth it.

My heart wouldn't be able to beat without him.
I would walk in front of a bus or take a bullet in a heartbeat for him.
He takes care of me when Im sick, he scratches my back when I have an itch.

He's my everything and I love him to the moon!

Happy 4th birthday Gavin!!

Five friends

I saw this on another blog. 

Pick 5 people,

 actresses, actors

that you would want to be friends with and why.

::1::

Khloe Kardashian

Source: Uploaded by user via Sierra on Pinterest

Umm, why wouldn't you want to be friends with her???! 

She's beautiful, talented and seems so down to earth. 

More so than her sisters. 

I want to look like her, somedays, on a very good day

with the light just right and if I make a certain face I've been 

told I kinda resemble her. 

yay!!
and I love her sense of humor!

::2::
Dane Cook

Source: popsugar.com via Brittany on Pinterest

OMG!!
He cracks me up!!
Sometimes, when I'm falling asleep in my office and forcing
myself not to hit my face on the keyboard,
I put Dane Cook on my pandora.
I turn it really low because it's not censored on there.
I die
&
then my coworkers wonder what Im laughing at??
Either I lie and they think Im cooco for cocoa puffs
or
admit it...
I love laughing!

::3::
Kristen Bell



I fell in love/girl crush with her when I saw this video!!
I want to go on double dates with her and dax shepherd!
and I kinda wanna play with the sloth!!

::4::
Wentworth Miller

Source: google.com via Shavonne on Pinterest

I don't have a reason...
Well, shaved head, tattoos, and blue eyes...
and yes, I realize the tattoos were fake for Prison Break.
whoa!

::5::
Rachel McAdams

Source: hair.allwomenstalk.com via Alyssa on Pinterest

She's funny, seems down to earth and beautiful!!


So basically, you must be funny, beautiful and in every sense awesome to hang out with me;)

Which all of my friends fall into this category!!

The one where I win the lottery...

in my dreams. 

Yeah, that's where that was. 

Imagine my disappointment when I woke up. 

I wasn't living in my new house, with my new furniture. 

That made monday that much harder to wake up to. 

I normally don't buy lottery tickets. 

But, I happened to watch this little show the other day called lottery winners 

and 

where they are now. 

So, I had to go buy a mega bucks ticket

and immediately start planning what I would buy, remodel and how soon I would be on a tropical vacation with both my boys in speedos!

Source: bhg.com via Sierra on Pinterest

I started with the house.
All of these pins courtesy of Pinterest of course!
Come find me!

Lets build it!

Source: etsy.com via Sierra on Pinterest

The front door, the first impression...

Source: google.com via Sierra on Pinterest

The entryway, a mirror to check yourself one last time on the way out

Source: houzz.com via Sierra on Pinterest

The living room, loving the ceilings

Source: paintprincess.com via Sierra on Pinterest

The kitchen, swoon!

Source: papernstitchblog.com via Sierra on Pinterest

dining room

Source: houzz.com via Sierra on Pinterest

where we drop our pants

Source: google.com via Sierra on Pinterest

the other place we drop our pants, love brick walls!!

Source: d30opm7hsgivgh.cloudfront.net via Sierra on Pinterest

bathroom

Source: vintageandchicblog.com via Sierra on Pinterest

Source: inspiredbythisfeeling.tumblr.com via Sierra on Pinterest

a must for any house, closet...
either one will do!
like mine would ever be that clean!!

Source: dwellingsbydevore.com via Sierra on Pinterest

where our guests will stay

Source: decorology.blogspot.com via Sierra on Pinterest

and bathe...

Source: blog.vanstee.be via Sierra on Pinterest

Source: potterybarn.com via Sierra on Pinterest

outdoors

Linking up with Raven @ Don't quote the Raven





and
Michelle @ The Vintage Apple

Besos loves!

I believe

Source: etsy.com via Anne on Pinterest

I believe in my girlfriends

I believe in love 

& 

still believe in marriage and happily every after...

I believe in scarves, hoodies and rainy days

I believe in my boy

I believe in praying and miracles.

I believe in being kind to everyone. 

I believe in being silly and making people laugh.

I believe in snuggles, cuddling and hugs

I believe in sleeping in and having lazy sundays

I believe in having an imagination with my boy.

I believe in myself, most days

I believe in wine and cheese, mostly together!

I believe in laughing, hard, belly laughing.

I believe in kisses, deep passionate ones and silly fast ones.

I believe in asking for help.

I believe in getting dressed up

&

I believe in mustaches

 I believe in f.r.i.e.n.d.s

I believe in always smiling when I see a camera

I believe in working out, I just don't do it....

I believe in strong women and role models

Linking up with Erin @ Living in Yellow

besos loves!

Source: Uploaded by user via Vanessa on Pinterest

running in place...

I wrote this a couple months ago, when I was stressed and just needed to write. I was afraid to post it. It was my feelings, so raw. I was afraid someone would make fun of me. I was just reading thru it and loved it. It shows Im human. I get stressed, overwhelmed and need help. I, all to often, think I can do things on my own. I'm learning to let go of things. What's meant to be will be. If I need help I ask....

The last thing I want to be doing right now is writing this... but I have to.
I spend 9 hours a day in front of a computer, working my ten key magic with both hands.
By the end of the day, Im tired of staring at the screen and realistically I only have two hours to make dinner, do laundry, clean up, give my son a bath and spend time with him. It feels selfish to plop down in front of the computer and ignore him. I'm exhausted by the time he goes to bed. I'd rather just go to bed too.
What happened??
Im overwhelmed.
with my job, pleasing everyone, dealing with people I don't want to deal with.
Can't I just win the lottery??
I swear I'd be good with the money.

I know what makes me happy, being loved.
By friends, my son, the boyfriend.
every day I feel like I fail them some way, some how...
I forget to say thank you for dinner, I forget to dry the towels in the dryer, I eat scrambled eggs for dinner, I snap at the boy for something trivial. There just aren't enough hours in the day and the days keep going faster and faster.

I love, love.
I love him, I love my friends and family and I love my boy.

I love that:) and I've got it!

I realize I'm being taught patience, but how many times do I have to learn this lesson???

In every aspect in life. Apparently I need to have 3 more kids by three different dads to be able to receive help. I don't want that. I want one love, forever.

Do you ever feel like you need to put something out in the universe?

I am no longer afraid to ask for what I want. I deserve it, everyone does.

This is just how I tick. Everyone is different... Maybe I'll learn to be different than this or maybe I won't. I used to think I was good at hiding my feelings. I've come to find out, I'm not.

Words hurt, don't say them if you don't mean to hurt someone. I've learned to be careful with words.

Maybe, it's because I'm a mom and I'm shaping another human being.

Am I even doing it "right"??

Like Jewel said, I'm sensitive..

I love hugs and kisses:)

and I am lame like that... :) I'm okay with it.

I must have felt, that night, that all I do is run in place and never get anywhere. I look back and realize that isn't the case. I have come so far from where I was before and for once I am excited for my future. For my son to grow up, for my love to grow for Sean. I'm not waiting for the rug to be pulled out from underneath me. I love, love:)

Have a little faith

Have you seen the movie, 

Jeff, who lives at home.

It's a different type of movie. 

It's about a guy, named Jeff that lives at home. 

Sounds thrilling, right??

Anyways it's all about signs, fate and everything happens for a reason. 

All good things and all things I believe in wholeheartedly. 

I am always trusting my gut and going with my instinct. 

Obviously in my past, that hasn't gone so well. 

I was blinded by something... 

I have found myself following it more and listening to my heart. 

So far, it hasn't lead me astray. 

Insert super cute pic with my super cute guy:)

Check out that smile!

Gets me every time;)

We visited a catholic church on a Sunday. My mom told me to find this tiny, cute church she had remembered. It wasn't tiny. I lit a candle for my abualita, said a prayer and wasn't struck down. I took that as a good sign.

This last weekend I was introduced to someone very important in my guys life. 

His grandma.

& his mom, step dad, aunt and cousin. 

To say I was nervous was an understatement. 

It's been years since I have met family to someone as important as this guy is to me. 

Upon walking in to the house, I am overwhelmed with emotion. I miss my grandma on a daily basis and wish I had more time with her. To be honest I fought back tears as Sean hugged his grandma because I won't get to do that again... 

Just recently, as in the day before this meeting I had sworn off alcohol forever! I blame empty stomach, strawberry margaritas, something called a scorpion fishbowl and the sun that made me come to this decision. I will explain more in depth at a later time. 

His grandma offered me a glass of wine, I decided I could nurse one glass with dinner over the next couple hours. I like to think I'm becoming more refined in my 29 years on this earth, but reality is that I'm getting old and can't hold my liquor. I follow Sean's grandma to where the wine is. She opens the fridge and pours me a glass from a box of wine. Again, I'm fighting back tears and laughter that's building in my gut. I got my sign that I could relax. My grandma used to drink the exact same wine, out of a box and she kept it in the fridge. The only difference was that it was in an actual wine glass not a coffee mug like my grandma used to drink it. 

The rest of the dinner was amazing with an obscene amount of food. Which was awesome to fill our belly's. Not that we were starving or anything... 

I don't have a lot of family, but they are special to me nonetheless (did you know that was one word??) I love meeting family of loved ones. They know them the best and have the best stories. 

Have a little faith...